The Clever Parrot - Funny Joke

A man had a very clever parrot whose memory was second to none.

One day, the man came up with a foolproof way of making lots of money.

He got the parrot to learn the National Anthem and then took it down the pub where he told the customers, “I bet £10 that my parrot can sing the whole of the National Anthem.”

Some interest was shown and the money was placed on the bar.

Sadly though, the parrot never uttered a word and the man had to pay out a lot of money.

When he got home, he was beside himself with rage. “You bloody stupid, half-witted bird. You’ve lost me a lot of money today.”

“Now wait up a minute,” said the clever old bird. “Just imagine the kind of interest you’ll get tomorrow when we go back there again."

Same Everywhere - Funny Joke

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights.

Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!"

The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, every time the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir section with her, and when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, ''The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!''

She was horrified and corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that here!"

The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!"

Bad Dancer Joke

Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?

A: They have two left feet.

Punch Line - Joke

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote:

"Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof."

The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for the same price."

The dog replied "What, and ruin the punch line?!"

Lost And Found - Joke

A carpet layer had just finished installing a carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself.

He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened out the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.

''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

Precautions - Funny Bull Joke

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull.

His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old times' sake.

The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows.

At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort.

The other asks,"Why are you doing that? "The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"

Unsaid - Funny Parrot Joke

A lady was walking down the street to work when she saw a parrot on a perch infront of a pet store.

The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot and again it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day as the lady was passing the store, the parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said to the manager that if the bird did not stop calling her ugly, she would sue the store and kill the bird.

The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that evening the parrot called on to her, "Hey lady"

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."